


history repeats itself (we repeat history)

by arrows



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, First Kiss, M/M, One Shot, spoilers for episode 59
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:37:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrows/pseuds/arrows
Summary: It’s strange. Remembering.





	

**Author's Note:**

> anonymous on tumblr asked: "taagnus with 13 (things you said at the kitchen table) or 19 (things you said when we were the happiest we ever were)? thank you !!"

It’s strange. Remembering.

After the apocalypse has been averted, after the fight is over, Taako finally has some time to _think_ about it all, and it’s strange. There’s no other word for it — all this shit he’s been through, good and bad, and he’d just _forgotten_ , memories fed to the baby voidfish like it was _nothing_. He supposes he can thank Lucretia for that, but he can’t even bring himself to resent her for it, and isn’t _that_ frustrating as hell! He’s got no one to blame for all this, just. Memories.

There’s everything with Lup to sort out, but with that comes _mourning_ Lup, and he can’t think about that. Not right now. Not yet. They’d been inseparable, and there has to be a way to get her back, there _has to be_ , but his mind is racing a million miles a minute and refuses to slow down for long enough to logic their way out of this. Lup had always been better at problem-solving. He remembers the skeleton in the cave with the gauntlet and the red robe and wonders if she’d been in pain when she’d died.

Too much. Too painful. Next memory.

Really, he should be meditating right now — everyone else is sleeping off their exhaustion from the past few days, and by all rights, Taako should be, too; elves may not need to actually _sleep_ , but this is one of those rare cases where he wishes he could, if only to make his brain _shut up_ for a couple hours. There’s far too much on his mind to slip into a trance, though — that shit requires focus, and that’s something he’s sure as hell lacking in, right now.

He at least tries to redirect his attention to _happier_ memories. Thoughts of the impossible ship, board game nights, slipping into Magnus’ bed—

Pause. Rewind.

Looking back on it all, he knows that he and Magnus were — together, probably? Yeah. _Yeah_. He remembers one night, the start of it all — the two of them lying on the deck of the ship, early into their journey, looking out at the stars above them, seeming impossibly close and impossibly far away all at once — and Taako leaning over to rest his head on Magnus’ shoulder, and Magnus looking at him _so fucking tenderly_  that he felt like the world would explode.

That was the first time they’d said the word — _love_. It had been easier, back then; Taako’d still had his fair share of issues, but it was pre-Glamour Springs and pre-Sazed and he’d had _less_ issues, that’s for sure. And it had felt oh-so-easy to lean up, look into Magnus’ big puppy dog eyes, and whisper “I love you.”

Now, sitting alone in his Bureau of Balance room, it seems impossibly simple. The thing that throws a big ol’ wrench into this here memory is that Taako’s had a bit of a (gigantic) crush on Magnus in this go-round, too. Even without remembering, he’d fallen in love, _again_.

This time, though, he’s had a lot less to show for it. Saving each other from dying a couple times is all well and good, but he’d been hiding and _alone_ for six fuckin’ years before running into Mags and Merle again, and that does shit to a guy. Namely, trust issues and abandonment issues to spare, because that’s just his luck, ain’t it? So Taako’s kept his old friends at a distance, and tried to crush this burgeoning crush before it could really start.

Remembering that this isn’t exactly a _new_ thing, and that Magnus had reciprocated to some degree, and that he might _not_ anymore — that’s just fantastic.

It feels like Magnus has been avoiding him. He might just be tired — God knows they’re _all_ tired, emotionally as well as physically — but much as Taako tries not to take everything so personally, he’s taking this extremely personally. Because the _probable_ scenario is that Magnus is napping in his room, but Taako can’t help but think that Magnus is remembering the same things Taako is, and is somehow disgusted by his choices all those years ago, and isn’t sure how to tell Taako that nothing will ever happen between them, ever again.

His thoughts are quickly spiraling downhill, even as that sweet moment under the stars stays echoing in his brain, and he decides to solve it the same way he would’ve back then: cooking.

If there’s one good thing that’s come out of the mad dash for the relics that _they’d_ created (aside from reuniting with Magnus and Merle and everyone else, because _duh_ ), it’s the realization that Glamour Springs wasn’t his fault. The guilt of that is still carried around with him plenty — when his thoughts turn on him, all he can think is that he could’ve said something to Sazed to make him choose a different path, or that he should’ve taste tested the chicken first and all those people wouldn’t have _died_  — but he can cook again, most days. Most days, his hands don’t shake so bad anymore the second he tries to pick up ingredients. It’s some ounce of progress, and it helps — cooking has always been his escape, and it can act as that once more. Maybe help him sort through his thoughts.

He doesn’t quite get that far.

Taako walks into the kitchen, looking more disheveled than he has in _years_ , and Magnus is there. Sitting at the table.

More accurately, Magnus is slumped over the table, asleep with his head cradled in his arms. God. He looks _cute_ , and that kills Taako, just a little bit. This wouldn’t be so unusual back then, in the IPRE days; then, Taako would have draped a blanket over him or woken him with a kiss and dragged him back to bed, but there’s a tension between them now that wasn’t there before. Uncertainty hangs thick in the air — at least on Taako’s end. Magnus is likely too far in dreamland to feel it.

And then, as if feeling Taako’s golden eyes on him, Magnus wakes with a start — his panicked gaze flits around the room a few times before landing on Taako and relaxing. Taako, for his part, remains in the doorway a few moments longer than strictly necessary. When he finally moves into the room (prompted by a pointed glance from Magnus at the chair across from him, though Taako dares not to sit down), his feet hardly make a sound against the hard floors.

“I was just coming to, uh, cook something. Pancakes, maybe? Cupcakes? Something-cakes, probably. Want some?” 

It fills the silence, but makes nothing any less awkward, and Magnus seems to deflate a bit for reasons beyond Taako’s comprehension. Taako’s already moving around to pull supplies out of the cupboards — a few things he doesn’t have, he’ll have to transmogrify into the right ingredients, and that still sparks anxiety in his gut, but he can do it. Probably. He’d done it for so many years before Glamour Springs. He can do it now.

Taako’s tossing a pack of blueberries from hand to hand, transforming them into other ingredients — strawberries, chocolate chips, raspberries, back to blueberries — as he does, if only to fill the gaps and make the sensation of Magnus’ eyes on him feel less immediate. It only works for a few moments; before long, he hears Magnus’ voice behind him, soft as ever, just one word. “Taako.”

It’s terrifyingly serious. Everything in Taako goes towards making his response seem nonchalant (and memories of “I love you”s in times past still repeat in his traitorous mind). “What’s up, my man?”

“Are we — are we just going to, uh, ignore this? Forever?”

_Fuck_. “I’unno what you mean.”

“Really.”

“Which part are we ignoring? In case you forgot — _again_  — there’s kinda, uh, just about a _century_ of shit to ignore forever, here. Lots’a ignorable content.”

“Ignoring— ah, fuck it.” Magnus’ exasperated voice is suddenly a lot closer, and it startles Taako into dropping the egg he was holding, right on the floor. He just _barely_ manages to cast mage hand to swoop in and save it before it goes _splat_ , but he’s more focused on Magnus, very very close, looking into his eyes like — like he had back on the ship, when they’d first kissed.

Oh.

“Taako,” Magnus says, because of _course_ he wants to talk, even as Taako’s gaze flits down to his lips, tantalizingly close. “I don’t want to push you into anything — just because we were, y’know, a thing before doesn’t mean you should be pressured to do that again, now, but. I still really like you? I think I would even if I didn’t remember? And I — can I kiss you?”

_Oh._

Taako’s staring dumbstruck — he didn’t take even a moment to consider that maybe Magnus hadn’t been avoiding him, and had, instead, just been trying to figure this shit out, same as him. The fact that Magnus may feel the same way hadn’t even crossed his mind. And now, with Magnus rushing in —

Taako nods, then reaches his hands up to pull Magnus down and press their lips together. It’s just as soft as that first time. It’s _perfect —_ muscle memory, maybe, because there’s no other explanation for how something could feel so _right_. Meditation has been a complete miss all night, Taako’s thoughts racing too quickly to calm down enough, but the second Magnus touches him his mind stills.

When they pull back, just a moment later, Taako rests his forehead against Magnus’ and risks a smile. Magnus smiles back, and in that action, grants Taako a bit of bravery to speak.

“Hey, Mags?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, y’know. Still. Always.”

“You, too,” Magnus says, and kisses Taako again.

Somehow, it feels like everything will be okay. They’ll figure it out, side by side, just like they always have.

**Author's Note:**

> comments fuel me. chat with me on tumblr at [dealwarlock](http://dealwarlock.tumblr.com).


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